Workers Rejoice As Liberal Celebrities Will Not Be Yelling at Them About Voting For Another Two Years
by Boobie
While much of the nation holds its breath in worried anticipation over who whether or not Democrats will retake the House of Representatives and/or Senate in today’s midterm elections, service workers, particularly in Los Angeles and New York City, are breathing a sigh of relief as a hellish few weeks come to an end. Speaking to Class Is Boring on condition of anonymity for fear of reprisal from online stans, several low-wage workers have expressed happiness that they no longer have to live in fear of liberal celebrities coming into their place of work and screaming at them to vote.
“The uncertainty was the worst part, to be honest,” said a Wendy’s employee I’ll refer to as Tina, the psychological weight of the stress visible in her eyes as he wipes sweat from his brow. “Billy Eichner coming in, ordering a salad, and then going on a three minute long diatribe about how the fate of democracy as we know it rests on me voting for some Democrat I’d never heard of who didn’t think I should get paid more than $7 an hour until three months ago ended up being a blessing, because it meant I didn’t have to worry about Billy Eichner coming in and going on a diatribe anymore.”
This sentiment proved consistent across different types of work. As roofer we’ll call Brad told me, “Guys who do my job have a reputation for like, harassing women, cat-calling, that kind of thing. It’s like, a cliche, you see it in commercials and movies and whatever. But last Thursday, I’m climbing up a ladder carrying two bundles, and some girl yells at me and says, like, ‘Hey, buns of steel! Do you know how important your vote is? There won’t be any construction to do if the Republicans keep the House, sugar lips! War! Democracy! Human trafficking!’ She goes on like that for, like, 15 minutes, my shoulders are getting tired. When she finally leaves, my buddy Big Dave is like, that’s the girl from Girls. I’m like, I just want lower taxes dude, why does she think I’m gonna vote for a Democrat? This kind of thing has happened like four or five times in the last couple weeks. I shouldn’t have to worry about that stuff when I’m on the clock, but apparently Girls Girl thinks she has the right to bother me just because I work outside and she’s famous and I’m not.”
Brad’s frustration with this presumptuousness was also not unique, and it didn’t just come from people who leaned Republican but were confronted by liberal celebrities. Said a bellhop I’ll call Jane, “Rob Reiner came into the hotel on Saturday evening ranting and raving about the Commander In Cheeto and Russia, imploring me and everyone else within earshot to vote, vote, vote. Why would he assume that I wasn’t planning on voting? I recently moved and made sure to update my address on driver’s license so I wouldn’t get screwed by [my state]’s ridiculous voter ID laws. I’ve researched every Democratic and Green Party candidate, I know who’s actually worth voting for and who’s just an establishment husk who doesn’t care about my interests as much as they care about pleasing corporate donors, I frankly know more than Rob Reiner about what’s in my and, in my opinion, the nation’s best interest.” Jane speaks animatedly, punctuating each point by striking the palm of her left hand with her right fist. “Rob Reiner thinks that because he comes from a family of successful actors and I work as a bellhop, I’m just some rube who needs to be told to vote? Because of Russia? Fuck Rob Reiner. I’m not particularly optimistic about meaningful change actually happening as a result of it, I’m just glad this election cycle is finally over.”
Whether they planned to vote or not, and no matter whom they planned to vote for, most workers we spoke to said the same things as Tina, Brad and Jane: they looked forward to celebrities only looking down on and bothering them about the actual job they do to make money and survive and not because they thought they should yell at them about voting anymore. Quietly looking down on service and blue collar workers, it seems, is the best we can expect from rich celebrities.
