Whom Among Us Has Not Created Burner Accounts to Vociferously Defend Themselves

The mastermind behind Eric jr, one of the Twitter accounts accused of being used as an anonymous burner Twitter by Sixers GM Bryan Colangelo, granted Class Is Boring an exclusive editorial on the condition that we grant them anonymity. We jumped at the chance. Below is their defense of the burner accounts.

In a very unfair and Fake report filed by the noted scoundrel and hater Ben Detrick, Bryan Colangelo, whose leadership and transaction brilliance guided the Philadelphia 76ers to their highest win total in nearly two decades, is accused of running several anonymous twitter accounts to defend himself and perpetuate grudges, both public and private. I’ve worked with Bryan, and if you sons of b#**hes were blessed enough to say the same, you’d know that he would never do such a thing. Bryan is as dignified and stoic as he is handsome and well-hung, which is to say, extremely.

But lets assume for a second that Bryan actually is the one behind the burner accounts. So what?! How many of you reading this can pretend that you haven’t set up an anonymous account online and used it to talk trash on other people in your lives and defend yourselves? Why, the majority of twitter is just that: accounts where people hide behind fake names, call each other names, talk s#** on athletes. How is his doing that any worse than you doing it? You hypocrites spent a full night assuming the worst of my husband because of something he may or may not have done, all the while doing the same thing he stands accused of yourselves.

Bryan is in the public eye, probably one of the most scrutinized GMs in all of sports because of how insane you people are, but he’s still a person just like anyone else, vulnerable to the ill-effects of facing constant spite and second-guessing, operating in the impossible shadow of a fraudster demon-king not even fit to rule Oz. What did you have when Sam Hinkie left you? An injury-prone, model-chasing diva who hadn’t even played a single game; three first round picks, two of which turned into players who couldn’t even get off the bench when we finally delivered you to the playoffs; and Nerlens Noel and Jahlil Okafor, neither of whom returned anything of value when I was able to finally get rid of them. What do you have now? A 52-win team that got one big dumb diva meltdown away from the Eastern Conference Finals. After this transformation, you scorn the man.

Much has been made about these accounts potentially divulging medical information. Again, let he who has not revealed protected information file the first lawsuit! And in any case, the accounts were not giving away any real information, just encouraging local bloggers and reporters to do some digging. After all the secrecy regarding injuries from the Nerd Emperor Hinkie, may he rot in h#** a millennium for every time a fan utters “Trust the Process,” should Bryan not be VALORIZED for supporting local journalism and encouraging writers to become the best reporters they can be?

The same goes for tweeting details of the Markelle Fultz trade well before it happened. These writers were given a lead that could have helped them grow not only their following and reputation but their reportage skills, and chose not to follow up merely because of the low follower count of the tweeter. It seems to me that that’s judging a book by it’s cover, unsurprising give that you never the man I love the benefit of the doubt of once you got a hold of your d#** jokes about his almost outrageously sensible and normal collars. More hypocrisy, no surprise, especially given that those making such a hubbub now were certainly among the most vocally supportive of that trade when it actually happened, but have turned on it since. Just because Bryan is famous and telegenic and with an supportive and beautiful wife who anyone would be lucky to wake up next to every day, he should be held to a higher standard than you who now mock him? Incredibly unfair.

In conclusion, you people should be ashamed of yourselves for the way you talk about Bryan Colangelo. He could out-GM SCAM Hinkie with both hands tied behind his back, and probably out-father and out-husband him, too. Shame on all of you. When the dust settles, we’ll see who’s still standing, who’s still laughing, and who’s still teaching at Stanford.

P.S. Brian Jacobs PLEASE call me I will pay you $15 million to marry my daughter.



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