Just Because We Disagree on Politics, Doesn’t Mean I Can’t Still Be Friends with The Demogorgon

By Connor Farrell and The Demogorgon

CONNOR FARRELL: It was right up my alley to hate the Demogorgon. The interdimensional apex predator that seeks to murder humans. How could I not? We were from different dimension, we had entirely different goals and views, the Demogorgon had a face made of thousands of teeth and claws that could rip flesh and I was a man made of flesh and terrified of that face.

But then I thought, if we had met at a dinner party rather than through his interdimensional instincts to destroy my family and I, would we have liked each other? Was it the dimensional rift that was causing a sense of conflict where we could instead simply have a conversation? Did we actually dislike each other or did we just think we did?

This is the story of how we went from enemies to friends.

THE DEMOGORGON: It was truly crazy when Connor asked if I wanted to hang out. We were at the same conference, quite serendipitously. I was at the bar alone enjoying a cocktail of children’s blood and fingers when he sat next to me.

CF: In the woke world of this dimension, the worst person is Donald Trump. But you, the Demogorgon, are a close second. You’re the perfect target for this dimension due to the fact you’d murder us all if you got the chance and also because your face is like 90% teeth.

TD: don’t forget that the teeth are hidden behind flower like cheeks that separate.

CF: Oh how could I forget that?!

TD: And I seem to hunt by sound, which is scary and unnerving due to my humanoid shape. I should have eyes, but I don’t!

CF: The mystery of your body is truly one of the reasons so many people hate you. The other being you are intent on our destruction.

TD: Yes.

CF: But I was saying, hating you was the natural position for me to adopt. After all, I’m a social democrat who voted for Bernie Sanders in the 2016 primary and also I absolutely do not want to be ripped apart by your claws. I also thought about buying a shirt once.

But I always had this nagging feeling that the Demogorgon outrage was overblown. Then, we became friends.

TD: You were definitely the caricature of the person who hates me. Human, probable Democratic Socialists of America member, person who hates being eaten by a thousand toothed monster. That’s like my personal axis of evil. Is that a thing people say?

CF: You probably shouldn’t. But yeah, I’m definitely not on the list of people you were looking to meet. But I saw you at the bar and was like “what the hell? Worst case scenario they consume me in front of everyone and I leave my family with a gaping hole of grief and confusion. Let’s go for it.”

TD: It was funny, I was a little startled when you started chatting with me. I was like “This guy? No way. He hates me this is a bit.”

CF: I honestly didn’t think you could talk.

TD: But then we started talking and there we were. We talked about growing up, about love, about our families.

CF: We talked about how we’re both Irish.

TD: We are!

CF: Honestly I was blown away by how much our experiences overlapped. We didn’t have to talk politics or religion or how you’re in this dimension to destroy us. We were just two people, chatting over whiskey sours at a Fort Worth Holiday Inn Express.

TD: Just two people being people.

CF: Guys being dudes

TD: I’m not a guy or a dude.

CF: Right, yeah, genderless.

TD: Interdimensional monster.

CF: I think a lot people in the modern era would disapprove of a friendship between a human man of this dimension and a predatory monster from The Upside Down.

TD: Yeah I mean, I’ve definitely thought about that. You see the vitriol these days towards those that are from another dimension and intend to purge humanity from the Earth. It’s just a breath of fresh air to see someone who doesn’t fight back or call the government.

CF: You know I think this is important to consider in these times we’re in. A lot of people refuse to just sit down and talk with an interdimensional apex predator hellbent on the destruction of mankind. But if they did, maybe they’d find out they have a lot in common with them.

TD: Like us! We have so much in common. We both love The Mezingers and our guilty pleasure is Great British Bake Off.

CF: Exactly! And so what that I’m a socialist and you’re a demon like creature with seemingly infinite strength and a taste for human blood! What matters is we both enjoy gin and tonics.

TD: Exactly. And why spend time thinking of how your friendship with me betrays your entire species and will likely lead to their untimely demise.

CF: Yeah!

TD: Do you remember that night we met and we just sat and talked about John Cusack movies.

CF: Fuckin love the Cuse man.

TD: You said that that night too!

CF: It’s true man!

TD: It is true, he’s a fucking legend.

CF: Would you kill the Cuse if he was here? Would you eat that guy?

TD: Oh in a heartbeat yeah.

CF: Yeah? You’d kill John Cusack? Even after we watched Grosse Point Blank?

TD: Man I would kill ANYONE. I’m an apex predator from another dimension, my whole point is to kill and eat people. I’m crafted by the laws of nature of my dimension to kill and I wanna do it!

CF: But even the Cuse?

TD: Even the Cuse bro. Even the Cuse.

CF: I think a lot of people would be turned off by that. I think they’d hear that and say “But I love the Cuse! I can’t be friends with someone who would kill the star of Hot Tub Time Machine.”

TD: Yeah.

CF: But I don’t know, I’m not worried about it. I love John Cusack but what’s important is that we’ve created a friendship and we need to tell people about it.

TD: Just because I live to spill human blood doesn’t mean we can’t hit that new Cuban place next week!

CF: A lot of people these days have, I think at least, “cancelled” the idea of being friends with a hideous monster from another dimension. They write off even getting to know you.

TD: Yeah and that makes me feel bad! Like yeah, I’m a 9 foot tall monster with razor sharp claws, 100 rows of teeth, and an interdimensional portal. But I’m also an avid Frisbee golfer.

CF: You can frolf! I always tell people, yo Demo can frolf!

TD: Nobody wants to consider that, they just want to consider that my only life goal is the complete destruction of humanity.

CF: And even though that’s true they won’t even dig underneath that.

TD: Yeah it is absolutely true. But they won’t.

CF: Shame of the times.

TD: Shame of the times.

Connor Farrell is a writer and tweeting under the handle @rockiesVSconnor. The Demogorgon is a humanoid like predatory creature from the parallel dimension known as The Upside Down

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